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Matt Alexander

With a degree in politics and economics along with quite a few years at the grass roots of the political arena, Matt is well qualified to comment on the political situation in the UK. With a rather satirical view of life in Westminster he manages to put into words what many of us really think of our leaders and the system. He is also an ardent follower of the ‘gentlemans game played by ruffians’  so there is likely to be many a reference to football. Can it be that he actually supports Bristol Rovers!

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This is not Matt Alexander either

Isabel y Sus Lechones

Parliament has finished for the season, the World Cup is a distant memory, and the economy is still recovering / in the eye of the double-dip storm. The October Spending Review Apocalypse is yet to be unleashed. Even the football has barely begun again, the biggest news being that Blackpool beat Wigan 6-0 to go 2nd in the Premiership for 4 days, before being flayed back to the bottom by a 6-0 thrashing from Arsenal.

So, what's a political/economic/sports columnist to do? Thankfully, on these thunder-headed blustery August autumn days (hmmmm), there's always the telly to fall back on.

Britain is definitely the Blackpool when it comes to comparing summer sun with Spain, but we're still top of the league for TV. From the little of what I saw of Spanish TV, and from what Spanish friends tell me, RTE plays like Queen of the South, second bottom only to the dire Italian networks and their 1970's style 'stacchetto' glamour dancers.

This month Channel 4 gave a welcome rerun to its 5 part series “The Queen”, which mixes drama and documentary to highlight 5 periods when crisis rocked the reign of HRH. It is now available to buy on DVD and I really recommend it, if not for the drama then definitely for the documentary. There is a whole load of monarchy-related output on TV at the moment, from re-examinations of Queen Elizabeth I's reign, William I and his Nasty Normans, to interviews with swashbuckling Princess Anne about her extraordinary life, second only to her mother’s.

It is impossible not to admire the Queen, even for devoted despisers of the aristocracy like myself. The C4 series unequivocally shows the price she has paid to keep the monarchy intact – effectively, her life, as it has defined her existence from the age of 21. She has continuously been shown ready to do what it takes to keep her family in power. If she can remain relatively cogent and upright until 10th September 2015, she would surpass Queen Victoria as the longest-reigning monarch in British and Commonwealth history. To add a little extra gravitas as if necessary, she would also become the longest-reigning female monarch in world history (i.e. anywhere, ever).

It puts Mr Blair's attempt at legacy-building into correct context, as he desperately attempts to buy off public opinion by donating the proceeds of his 'sexed up' autobiography to a soldier's hospital. And the fees received for various promotional activities will go to compensate the 100,000 Iraqi dead I assume? Ah no, Good Old Tony will keep those for himself. I'm reminded of that school yard game where you put a finger in each corner of your mouth and said “banker”.

Back to genuine royalty. The spate of Queen related TV on at the moment makes an old cynic like me wonder if we're being prepared for the news that Old Liz might not win the title after all. She is 89 already, and seems to be seen less and less in the public eye than normal. I say 'public eye' rather than 'spotlight' deliberately, as no one sums up the crucial differences between the two better than the Queen. Elizabeth the person has effectively disappeared from public view, leaving only the Head of State. Her life is split to such an extent, it is no wonder she has two birthdays.

The Royal Family has God and My Right, but the Queen's personal motto has always been “Never Explain, Never Complain”. She recognises that her continued existence is wholly dependent on the 'operating license' that the public gives her, and her deftness at measuring the public pulse is the defining characteristic of her success and longevity. Watch the 3rd episode of the series, where during the early 1970's support for a republic reached nearly 70%. The Queen sat tight and shut her mouth, staying out of the spotlight of controversy, not explaining, not complaining, all the while staying in the public eye shaking hands like nothing was happening. 6 months later when the worst of the recession is over– bingo, a little sweet-talk to Mr Wilson, a big rise in the Civil List and the whole family are bathing in gravy again.

Whilst I am full of admiration for the sovereign herself, goodwill evaporates as it spreads amongst the stain of her wider family. This country's taxpayers give £7.9 million a year to the richest family in the land (The Queen has £17bn in assets that she 'looks after' on our behalf, and we are not allowed to audit how she does it, or how much she claims as her own). The total cost of the Royal Family to the country was calculated as £40 million a year, much more than the tourist revenue they generate. It costs £360,000 alone to maintain The Duke of Edinburgh in his constitutional role of Prize Arse. Princes Andrew and Edward fly helicopters to golf matches and then whine about how poor they are. Lady Princess Lady Sara Ferguson has threatened to file for bankruptcy and stay firmly 'in the spotlight' hawking her children's name unless some space is made for her at the public trough.

There must be a way to separate the queen from her suckling pigs, but I suppose until we find it we must accept the bad with the good. After all, we have bailed out the rich shareholders in the City to the tune of £850 BILLION, so in those terms a few million is a bargain!

The historian David Starkey has a plausible theory that the success of The Windsor's stewardship of the monarchy is the reason that Britain never had more than a flirtation with true Fascism. He argues that the role of Embodiment of the People that Mussolini, Franco and Hitler assumed had already been taken in Britain, and so Moseley and his minions were on a hiding to nothing. As one of those who ticks at least 2 boxes on the Nazi extermination checklist, I have to be thankful for that.

The transformation of the Battenburgs to the Windsors at the start of the 20th Century may have been one of the greatest con tricks of all time, but it certainly solved a lot of constitutional problems.  The new model monarchy may have allowed the top of the thieving aristocracy to avoid the armageddon they richly deserved, but it also created an ideal figurehead to act as a fictional idea of The Nation without having any power over it. Written constitutions are rigid, soon outdated, impossible for a whole nation to agree on, and words are easy to twist (i.e. Bush II and his interpretation of the Bill of Rights).  In the Queen, the armed forces swear loyalty to a mythical principle of The Nation that they themselves can define, not the swirling political machinations of the prime minister of the day. That allowance for individual interpretation of loyalty makes me sleep safer at night than I would under an army sworn to defend a physical, political president.

As for the future, probably the most popular candidate for Presidency in Britain at the moment would be Sinister Simon Cowell – republicans, think on. Prince Charles may be a fool, but at least he's OUR fool, and his son is being schooled to play the same way.

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